OVERCOMING THE STIGMA OF ADHD: MY JOURNEY TO SELF ACCEPTANCE

 I first learnt about ADHD from a Tik Tok video, the ones with a dancing person pointing to texts on the screen. I had heard about ADHD before this eye opening video but I never knew what it exactly entailed. I did not know it was a mental illness, it seemed rather like quirky character traits. This particular video caught my attention because the symptoms being highlighted on the screen seemed very familiar and I asked myself "do I have ADHD"?

I did what every normal person would do in that situation, I consulted google and went down a rabbit hole of articles about its symptoms and many adult ADHD testimonials. These were character and personality traits I hated in myself. These were traits I wrote New Years resolution around year in, year out with no change no matter how hard I focused on them. I cried, hard. The big question for me then became what I was going to do about it.  

I wanted to let my family in on the situation of things but I couldn't go on an say 

"So everyone, by the way, the reason I seem like a lazy, disorganized and sometimes uncaring asshole is because I may have a mental illness. This is not because I am failing my new year's resolution again. It really might be a mental Illness" without raising several disgruntled eye brows.

So, I went the smart way about it by conducting a family interview of my symptoms. 

After asking questions I already knew the answer to from my disbelieving family, my suspicion that I had ADHD was cemented, all I had to do was become officially diagnosed. Getting diagnosed with this "thing" became the most important thing in my life. An official diagnoses would be proof, that I wasn't just a disorganized failure of a person but a girl with ADHD. So, at the age of 22, two years after learning about ADHD, after consulting a therapist, eventually a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist, I became officially diagnosed with ADHD. 

 ADHD isn't something you hear about in Nigeria, it is considered a fancy word for being lazy. ADHD (Attention Deficiency and Hypersensitivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects a person's ability to concentrate, focus and control their impulses. It is often diagnosed in childhood but could persist into adulthood; when it does, it is literally a nightmare. ADHD interferes with daily life activities such as school, work, and personal relationships,

Symptoms of ADHD when put in plain terms may seem like quirky character flaws( I am saying this because I have heard and read this point of view many times). There is a belief that ADHD isn't a real or serious disorder, unfortunately even among mental health professionals. People with ADHD are often labelled "difficult", "lazy", "unmotivated", and "lacking discipline" rather than being people suffering from a biological or neurological disorder. So, let me put these symptoms into perspective for you. 

I was diagnosed with predominantly inattentive type ADHD. Let me take you on a journey on what that is like. You are a young girl at the age of 5-10ish (these ages are where I find my earliest memories). You are terrible at math, very terrible at math. The other subjects in school are not so different; you barely pass them because you don't pay attention in class and you don't pay attention to reading either.  Your constant day dreaming seemed like a super power to you, you could imagine different stories and was always entertained in your head. You didn't really care that it stopped you from listening in class though. Outside of the constant nightmares and bad grades, your day dreaming was relatively harmless. After all, you were just a child. 

You are between the ages of 10 and 16, you are still bad at math. With every birthday, your responsibilities as a person and a woman mounts, you cannot handle puberty and womanhood like your friends. you have never focused on conversations, with friends or family, they have begun to notice, you now seem like a self centered jerk. You struggle a lot with being organized and clean, your mom and dad constantly compare you to your friends. Your room is always a mess, you know that and it is a problem for you but your mom tells you often anyway. You yell at your mom, you say "everybody's room is a mess!" but that's a lie. You have been to a couple of rooms and they look nothing like yours, you always come out of those rooms feeling ashamed. 

You are between the ages of 16-22, you are still bad at math, your room is still a morbid mess. You are tired of your own bullshit but you don't change, you don't seem to be capable of it and you hate yourself for that. Your self esteem is almost non existent, you have failed so many times at so many things that you don't want to try anymore. You are terrible with deadlines and tasks. You literally have to rely on anxiety and adrenaline to complete any task. That did not bide well for your career and academics. Due to an unfortunate mixture of forgetfulness, low motivation and low self esteem, you do not manage your relationships well; with your family, friends or any romantic interests. You have become a very lonely person even when surrounded by people. The sad thing is that you do not notice your loneliness more than half the time, you are too busy, daydreaming. 

Getting diagnosed with ADHD was a game changer for me, literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has eased my way into accepting myself for who I am, what I am capable off and my limitations as a person. I am no way near cured, it is still a daily constant battle with myself and my brain but my war tactics have changed because I now know my enemy.  Self acceptance  is recognizing triggers and  patterns that hold you back and constantly striving to adjust them. It is blaming yourself less for things you cannot control and planning your life in accordance with your condition. Sharing this journey with whoever will listen is very important to me because the young Patience would have killed for an opportunity to have a person tell her "I know why you behave like this, I act like this too, I know how to help".