Dairy of a Naija Feminist: Episode Two

On the Topic of Men's Rights: Do Men's Rights Activists Even Want Rights? 

Not so long ago in my opinion, during the suffragette movement, many women fought for something that is pretty basic really; the right to vote. I may consider it quite humorous now, but at the time, a piece of paper and a ballot box in the hands of women was considered deadly; like the whole society was about to collapse into anarchy and women with voting rights were going to burn the whole world to the ground and have their husbands do nasty things like wiping their own asses. 

If you think about it, those worries were not so far off the mark considering all feminism has become. I mean, they really gave those women an inch and about a century latter, we have taken several miles.

The struggle for voting rights, the right to own property and so on quickly spiraled into a lot of other issues. In addition to fighting for several rights, It became principal to understand why society treated women in certain ways. It was through these experiences and studies that we discovered "patriarchy".

Learning about the system of patriarchy opened a can of worms and feminism became as much of a social and psychological movement as it is a political one. Somewhere along the lines of trying to fill the holes all these feminists studies unearthed, we ended up realizing that women weren't the only victims of patriarchy, men were victims of the patriarchy too and men's rights became a pertinent topic when discussing and observing feminism.  

Men's rights activism consists of topics such as suicides among men, domestic violence against men, alimony and marital property distribution (as well as other aspects of family law such and child custody), forceful conscription and so on. The men's rights movement over the years have continued to gain grounds in environments where feminism becomes more openly discussed. In other words, men's rights activism began as a backlash against feminism. 

Like every other well meaning women's rights activist, I strongly believe in the sufferings of men under the patriarchy (especially because I also believe women occasionally are on the receiving ends of the these sufferings). Over the years, we have identified that upholding toxic masculinity by society is a leading cause many problems men face in lieu of the patriarchy. 

However, I have observed that these issues are never discussed independently. It is almost never a separate discussion about these problems and what can be done about it. Men's rights activism only rears its head when women's rights are called to discussion. It is always ( and I say this with strong cadence because I have heard this statement a thousand times), "men and women can never be equal, because we are different, men also have problems like this...and this.. and this... but we understand that is how life works, everybody has their place in life, so, we are not fighting to change it, everyone should just know their places".(These are the exact words of of a men's rights activists who is "not a misogynist")

These discussions on men's rights never proffer solutions to how these problems are too be addressed or solved and is just often misogynist instead. This is quite disappointing because I think there is a real opportunity to actually address these issues that men face in society simply because they are men. To put it simply, if you think your problem does not need to change, it either isn't one or you do not consider it enough of a problem to change it. 

About a year ago, Nigerian musician, Ruger was sexually assaulted on stage by a woman. Now as you would expect, there was an uproar over the issue. The problem with this was that their anger was not directed at the fact that a man was assaulted on stage but because "if it was a woman it would have been a big deal and feminists aren't saying anything about that".

"Well", I thought, 

"That is why you are a men's rights activist isn't it? Since it it a big deal, make bloody make it a big deal then. Not because women always complain about sexual assault but because a man was assaulted". 

The whole uproar felt irritating because it was as if they were saying 

"Stop complaining about all the rapes and assaults because look, this man got assaulted and didn't make it a big deal. We don't even think it is a big deal. Since this random woman assaulted this man, you should not complain about being assaulted". 

Sexual assault among young boys have always been an unfortunate sexual initiation rite, the reason for this is rooted in patriarchy, it is not spoken about enough and least of all by men's rights activists--unless in an attempt to undermine rape, assault and violence crimes women.

I understand that just like every movement on earth, there are holes and blind spots in feminism. However, I think men's rights activist have to ask themselves if they care about their rights and the rights of other men or they just don't want women to have any.